The Gentle Strength of Friendship

Celebrating the Beautiful Men Who Inspire and Uplift Me

Dearest Beautiful Friend and Reader,

My intention today is to shine some light into your life.

I was recently asked to elaborate on my experience with my nearly 90-year-old mentor and how I arrived at that space in the first place. I was encouraged to share more in-depth details about my journey, and today, I choose to vibrate higher as I do so.

I don't believe that his actions were part of his initial intentions and I’ll leave it at that for this post.

I've noticed that much of my writing tends to focus on the energy and space given to men with whom I've had less-than-ideal experiences. However, that’s not my primary experience with the masculine. In fact, I've had some truly beautiful and magical experiences with men who have moved me and pushed me towards greatness. Today, I want to talk about energy in the form of attraction and the uplifting experiences I've had with men who inspire and support me.

Yes, it’s true that I’ve had adverse experiences with men, but that’s not the extent of my relationships with them. I’ve also had beautiful connections, and I’m not just talking about the sensual.

A few days ago, I was speaking with my friend Jackson, and I shared a realization with him. I noticed that my energy attracts people to me. For a long time, I believed I was cursed because I kept attracting the worst kinds of people, particularly men, into my life. But after healing, I started noticing things like babies smiling at me and even walking towards me with their hands out. Other people's pets would stop and stare at me, wanting to be near me. It became clear that once I left the confines of my hometown and country, people naturally gravitated towards me.

For years, I believed they were drawn to me because of my dad or my family, and in many cases, that was true. But I realized that by looking through the lens of hurt, victimization, and survival mode, I was incapable of seeing that it was actually my energy that attracted people to me. Some were sick, some needed to feel loved, some sought direction, some were just beautiful, and others were loving angels sent to assist me on my path—and I theirs.

Within the wreckage of my own survival, I’m sure I’ve soured some relationships, and I’m okay with that. I will not sentence the hurt version of myself to a life of shame and scorn because I was ill-equipped to navigate or see who those people were in my past. But now, I can see the beauty in it all, and I believe that those who should be here are here, and those who should come will come.

Now, about the energy!

I began to recall my friend Rene telling me that I was a healer and needed to protect myself. I remember my grandmother teaching me about her family’s spirituality and letting me know how powerful I was. It dawned on me that I attract people, and that attraction brings a variety of people into my space.

I have been a facilitator, holding space for people, but I’ve never acknowledged it in words or expression—I just did it. I also know that when people are with me, they feel free, safe, and loved because that has always been at the core of who I am.

Am I perfect? No, not at all.

But what I am okay with saying is that I acknowledge and accept the gift I have to transform energy in spaces.

My beautiful friend Jackson, who I love and adore—I giggle at the thought of him as I write this.

We met because I could hear a drum circle and men screaming from my window, and I was curious. One night, I heard a party and took a walk around the corner to his house and let myself in. I had no idea who owned the house or who was in charge of the party. I just wanted to go, so I went.

When Jackson and I reflect, it’s one of the best days we remember because we met. Since then, he’s been one of my safe havens. He’s held space for me as an energetic being, and I have for him. He’s called me out on my stuff, as I have with him. More than anything, he’s never asked me not to be quirky or cerebral.

In fact, the other day, he helped me notice something I hadn’t had the words for. He said, “Shane, you really hate ambiguity!” And I do. That opened up a world for me to understand and articulate my frustrations and confusion.

Jackson has held space for me and has been a safe, non-judgmental person who’s championed me being everything I am and everything I’m not.

Then there’s Larry.

I met Larry when I’d finished my first book and was promoting it. I was walking in Brickell, nearly skipping like a girl who was holding a puff of cotton candy, with the broadest smile on my face. It was as if no one else existed in the world but me, and I was so happy.

I saw Larry, and he said something to me—I'm sure it was something funny—because I stopped to chat with him and we exchanged numbers.

Since then, Larry has been a guiding force for me. In fact, when I found out he had cancer, I was in Chiang Mai and had just met this beautiful Australian hunk who was quite kind and accommodating. My world stopped, and I cried, and cried, and cried. Although Larry wouldn’t like me saying this, he has one of the sweetest, most fierce, and sincere hearts I’ve ever met—when he truly loves you.

Larry was one of the major reasons I came back to the US. He’d just had his surgery, and I wanted to be there. And I was.

He has not only protected me, but he’s watched and supported me as I stood up to protect myself.

I love him dearly, and I’m happy he’s still here with us—making jokes and now traveling.

Then there’s Alan.

Dearest Alan. My friend.

I met Alan while out dancing at a day party, and we struck up a conversation about business. I talked to him about what I did professionally, and immediately, Alan saw my value and championed me.

He’s never tried to make me feel less smart, never once attempted to make me feel inferior, or flex his brains, achievements, and status. Alan has always seen value in my advice and in me as a friend. He’s one of the people who will check on me even when I don’t check on him.

He’s the first to like and comment on any post I put out, no matter how bizarre it is. He finds a way to relate and share. He’s truly supported me and my efforts.

I will say that in no world is Alan not brilliant—he is amazingly brilliant and gifted. I admire his loving gentleness, his transparency, and how he loves and admires his beautiful wife.

Then there’s Patrick.

Patrick, what a beautiful human and creation.

I met Patrick dancing at Space Miami, and we’ve been inseparable since. We don’t speak every day, but we always know that we’re there for each other.

You ever have such a friend who shows you that all you need are good male friends, and you don’t necessarily have to have a man? Well, that’s Patrick for me.

Since I’ve been in his space, all he’s wanted is for me to be happy and well. He’s always been this way—it’s his heart and innate nature. He just wants to take care of those he loves.

We’re like two little kids, and I laugh as I’m writing this.

We dance, we sing, we laugh, make jokes, and take long walks.

As I sit here today and reflect on what I’ve experienced and learned from my dear friends Patrick, Jackson, Alan, Larry… it’s evident that I have powerhouses of men who are empathetic, brilliant, accomplished, loving, attentive, and so much more.

I know that in the realm of relationships, I have an army of friends who happen to be men, who will always protect and support me.

Now, these are just a few I’d like to mention, but I want to extend my bouquet of roses to them all. It’s beautiful to be surrounded by an army of beautiful, amazing men.

They have been pivotal in me being where I am today. The love, healing, protection, acceptance, guidance-the space they’ve held for me.

The beautiful notes and check-ins. I guess in this post, I want to focus on the fact that I have beautiful, healthy experiences with men who are my true friends. I like to hide them and keep them tucked away safe from the world, but today, I want to publicly give them their flowers.

I love you all, and thank you for being.

With love,

Shane