When They Show You Who They Are

Believe Them The First Time

Didactic post about a painful lesson from my childhood.

My dad never showed up.

During the times that I lived with my mom, she would drop me off every other weekend for my dad’s turn at having me for the weekend.

I remember sitting in the big convertible chair by my grandparents window overseeing the driveway. I would stay on my knees peering over the top of that chair looking for him to come and get me to go with him. I just knew he was gonna show up.

The hours would pass and I would eventually lose my battle to keep my eyes open so that I wouldn’t miss him when he called or came for me. That was Friday night and on Saturday, I was back at it again. Staring out the window, refusing to move or eat because my dad was coming for me.

Saturday evening, again, I’d lose my battle to sleep. Sunday my mom was pulling up to pick me up. Sometimes I’d get a call from him, hearing the party sounds in the background with him telling me that he was coming.

It was a rare occasion when he would actually make it. So I would go to church with my mom on her weekends so broken, praying that the next weekend he would actually come and get me.

Those prayers failed all but 1% of the time.

I grew up doing things for people so that they’d find me “good enough” to show up for.

After therapy, I learned thar this was a trauma response and since then I’ve learned to see things from a more healed and realistic perspective.

To this day, my dad hasn’t shown up for me. I had to learn to show up for myself despite who came.

This post isn’t about me and my dad. I figured telling the story would help bring this point home.

There’s no amount of praying and hoping for folks to show up in ways that you wish they will - will make them. You’re better off accepting who and what they are now - picking up the pieces to design your life without the noise of disappointment.

I say all of this to say, “When people show you who they are. Believe them the first time.”

Obviously, a kid with her dad couldn’t. But you can. Do it now before it’s too late.

Namaste 🧘🏽‍♀️