You Didn't Ask Me, But...

I Want to Talk About It

Betrayal, Friendship, Love, and Loss

I want to talk about betrayal and friendship; love and loss. I want to talk about heartbreak and the feeling of being helpless. I want to talk about pain and retribution. I want to talk about it all—my feelings in their most vulnerable state right now.

A Childhood Forewarning

If I told you that I had nightmares about the effects of COVID when I was just nine years old, nightly until I was in my teens, you probably wouldn’t believe me. Until it happened, I thought it was the coming of Christ because of my Christian indoctrination. When it happened as an adult, I saw the very dreams that kept me from sleeping at night as a child come true in their most vivid form.

The same with this newest election in the U.S. I saw all of this happening in 2020. That’s when I started to make plans and carry them out. I warned my friends and family but continued to keep up with ways to self-preserve.

The Trauma of Indoctrination

At my parochial school, they showed us this movie called Left Behind, which they followed up by making some of our friends disappear from the audience to demonstrate the importance of being "saved" and Christian. So you see, I’d already suffered the trauma of losing people I loved. My first experience with that was in Christian school.

Speaking Truth Despite Doubt

I would write my heart out on Facebook, and every time I looked at what I wrote, I thought, These people are going to think you’ve lost your mind. But I cared more about warning people than my public image, and I hoped with everything in me that I was wrong. Wrong about it all. At one point, I even said as much: I hope this post doesn’t age well. Well, it did.

The U.S. in Crisis

From wildfires in California—watching people lose everything they worked so hard for—to seeing workers rounded up and hauled off to detention centers, I have witnessed devastation unfold in real time.

The United States of America is literally on fire, and everyone there right now is just a frog in a boiling pot of water—some unaware of the heat, others too afraid to acknowledge it.

The Reality of Voting and DEI

During the primaries, I was deeply immersed in a Google Data Analytics class. With my background in tech sales, I saw that the Black community didn’t have the numbers to decide an election, even if every single person showed up to vote. Voting, for us, has always been an act of self-preservation. But what have we truly gained beyond symbolic gestures? DEI and inclusion were marketed as victories, yet, in practice, they benefited everyone—and then us.

We have never been given opportunities on the basis of DEI hires. We’ve always known that we had to be ten times better to get a fraction of what others received. Even with the education, the merits, and the data proving our success, we remain disposable—to them, and to everyone who aspires to be them.

Finding Safety Abroad

I have traveled extensively as a digital nomad, and I’ve found my experiences as a Black woman abroad to be not just welcoming, but safer than in my home country.

I wanted to unlearn what I was taught from a young age. I wanted to understand what was true and what was propaganda. I uncovered a lot.

Uncovering Hidden Histories

While in Mexico, I learned that Black people who escaped slavery in the U.S. were taken in with open arms. I learned that parts of Texas, California, and other states were annexed from Mexico, stolen from indigenous communities.

In Colombia, I discovered that the danger I had been warned about was a lie. There, I saw people who looked just like me, my friends, and my family walking freely.

In Peru, I was welcomed with open arms, invited to share meals and join yoga classes.

Across Asia, I learned about Black Chinese and Japanese people, about Jewish and Muslim communities I had never been taught about in school. I learned that Africans were the original Jews.

I was told that India was dirty, unsafe. So I went. And I cried for several nights because of the spiritual impact that country had on me. I met people whose kindness moved me to tears.

The Betrayal and the Reality Check

So you see, my worldview was turned upside down. And who would believe me? The U.S. makes it intentionally difficult for its citizens to get passports—because they don’t want us to see the truth outside of their schools.

Did you know that the Slavs were enslaved? That Russians aren’t the villains they tell you they are? I still won’t be visiting Russia, though.

My complex feelings don’t just stem from history; they come from the pain of betrayal.

People were convinced that Black people were the enemy—that we had to be shut down. The same people who benefitted from our marches, from our labor, from our sacrifices. The same people who would rather assimilate than acknowledge the debt owed to us.

For many years, this worked. The narrative was manipulated, and we were told we were getting ahead while the data told another story. I’m saddened because I’ve been to Guatemala, Honduras, and the Dominican Republic, and I’ve seen the heart of the people. They love us there. They are hardworking people who want what everyone in this world wants—a chance to provide for their families.

Complex Emotions and a Path Forward

I have complex feelings. And I know my friends do too.

My grandfather was an immigrant to the U.S. He worked hard, raised successful children, and instilled a sense of resilience in us. He had two sons who served in the armed forces. He wasn’t perfect, but he did his best. Because of him, we—his grandchildren—received good educations.

So while I feel anger at those who fell prey to propaganda, I don’t find solace in what’s happening now. As the granddaughter of an immigrant, I watch this unfold with sorrow. As a descendant of enslaved people, I burn with fury. As someone who has traveled the world and seen the struggles of African, Asian, and Latin American immigrants, I grieve for those caught in the middle.

Join Me for a Global Virtual Meditation

Feelings are complex, and it’s healthy to explore them. But instead of drowning in the depths of what’s happening, I want to do something more—something healing.

I want us to come together as a community to meditate. To find relief, clarity, and peace in a world that constantly seeks to rob us of it.

Meditation has been my anchor in times of turmoil. It has allowed me to quiet the noise, process my emotions, and reclaim my power. And I want to share that with you.

I invite you, your friends, and family, to sign up and join the list for a free Global Virtual Meditation with me. Let’s take a moment to breathe together, embrace stillness, and draw strength to move forward.

Because when the mind is still, we access our superpowers.

I look forward to seeing you in meditation.

Warmest regards,

Shane 🦋